This should change things up a little.

Tomorrow i’ll be driving my first car for the first time. (hip hip hwre)

I passed my test in January. It was my second test. If you ask me i should have passed first time. I was far more confident and i drove with so much more grace but the guy failed me anyway. I wanted to start the engine and drive as fast as i could and collide the passenger side into a building and give him a reason to fail me.  Out of respect for my instructor whose car i would have used to commit manslaughter, i refrained, took it on the chin and plotted a more scathing revenge.

The reason i couldn’t get a car straight away is because i blew my savings gearing up for my second driving test. Paying off officials of the DVLA is expensive but i had to be certain that i’d have the same man to test me again. And i did.

Que. Revenge. During the second test i was completely nervous throughout. I sweated more, I was jittery…. I was nervous. I knew what i had to do and now it came to the crunch i was having difficulty comprehending it. Traveling the world is easy when you look at a map, not realising how big the world really is. I had geared up for this moment and now it seamed impossible. 

“If you can just pull in to the side of the road when it’s clear” He said. Perfect! I needed to calm down and gather myself. “Ok, just pull out when the road is clear.” 

He’s playing with me! Im not going to take this! It’s time to put my plan into action. I looked into the mirrors to ensure a safe departure. It was clear and i pulled out. Past the point of no return i quickly realised that i didn’t indicate. STUPID! Instant minor. That’s it. Pointless worrying now. He’s having the full brunt of the revenge i had lined up for him.

Me: You know, i wasn’t this nervous last time i had my test. 

Him: Oh? 

Me: (thinking: Don’t reassure me then, prick) No, I don’t know what it is. I was completely fine first time. I know i should’ve passed it…… Can’t win em all.

Him: Do you know who took you last time?

I looked at him at a pause. My eyes burned through his ponsy unnecessary shades and i saw nothing but tinted fear. In a swift arm movement I released his seat belt and smiled. “Don’t you remember? You said my emergency stop was USELESS!” As the first syllable of the word “useless” exited my mouth my feet slammed on the brake and clutch. I could hear the noise of the tires screech followed by the sound of a skull shattering against the windscreen. My hearing had cut out and i saw his soulless body fly onto the road in slow motion. There were no cars about. I gathered myself and drove back to the Test Centre, popping his head under a car tyre on the way.

Me: No, can’t say i remember him.

Him: Oh.

Anyway, i passed the test. I didn’t actually arrange to have him again. The conversation in green italics, however, did take place between examiner and I, and it felt great to tell him that i should’ve passed first time.

Seven months later i have a car. It should change things up a little. (I don’t know why i told you that story, just came out as i typed.)