This should change things up a little.

Tomorrow i’ll be driving my first car for the first time. (hip hip hwre)

I passed my test in January. It was my second test. If you ask me i should have passed first time. I was far more confident and i drove with so much more grace but the guy failed me anyway. I wanted to start the engine and drive as fast as i could and collide the passenger side into a building and give him a reason to fail me.  Out of respect for my instructor whose car i would have used to commit manslaughter, i refrained, took it on the chin and plotted a more scathing revenge.

The reason i couldn’t get a car straight away is because i blew my savings gearing up for my second driving test. Paying off officials of the DVLA is expensive but i had to be certain that i’d have the same man to test me again. And i did.

Que. Revenge. During the second test i was completely nervous throughout. I sweated more, I was jittery…. I was nervous. I knew what i had to do and now it came to the crunch i was having difficulty comprehending it. Traveling the world is easy when you look at a map, not realising how big the world really is. I had geared up for this moment and now it seamed impossible. 

“If you can just pull in to the side of the road when it’s clear” He said. Perfect! I needed to calm down and gather myself. “Ok, just pull out when the road is clear.” 

He’s playing with me! Im not going to take this! It’s time to put my plan into action. I looked into the mirrors to ensure a safe departure. It was clear and i pulled out. Past the point of no return i quickly realised that i didn’t indicate. STUPID! Instant minor. That’s it. Pointless worrying now. He’s having the full brunt of the revenge i had lined up for him.

Me: You know, i wasn’t this nervous last time i had my test. 

Him: Oh? 

Me: (thinking: Don’t reassure me then, prick) No, I don’t know what it is. I was completely fine first time. I know i should’ve passed it…… Can’t win em all.

Him: Do you know who took you last time?

I looked at him at a pause. My eyes burned through his ponsy unnecessary shades and i saw nothing but tinted fear. In a swift arm movement I released his seat belt and smiled. “Don’t you remember? You said my emergency stop was USELESS!” As the first syllable of the word “useless” exited my mouth my feet slammed on the brake and clutch. I could hear the noise of the tires screech followed by the sound of a skull shattering against the windscreen. My hearing had cut out and i saw his soulless body fly onto the road in slow motion. There were no cars about. I gathered myself and drove back to the Test Centre, popping his head under a car tyre on the way.

Me: No, can’t say i remember him.

Him: Oh.

Anyway, i passed the test. I didn’t actually arrange to have him again. The conversation in green italics, however, did take place between examiner and I, and it felt great to tell him that i should’ve passed first time.

Seven months later i have a car. It should change things up a little. (I don’t know why i told you that story, just came out as i typed.)

I went to church today...

I attended my friends daughters christening. He just text me to thank me. (It’s a bit late)

This will be the second time in roughly a month and a half that i’ve been to a church. The first was for a funeral of a not so distant relative. The funeral i am going to describe as mega catholic. The christening i am going to describe as mega protestant. 

It was my first christening and it was my first funeral where the service was in a church. 

Say what you want about religion but i’ve found that regularly used churches are beautiful. Im a sucker for traditional looking buildings. Cold, though.

As it was a sunday we had to go through a proper sermon before the actual christening. “Go through” makes it sound grueling, which it wasn’t really.

It felt like i was back in school, sitting next to my friends in a room full of people in an assembly. What i used to do during assemblies was misbehave. 

I really don’t know what came over me, today. I couldn’t help it. As i exited the church i really felt bad about singing “Johnny Christ”, making silly jokes, coaxing my friend to ask the organist for requests to see if she’ll do some Bon Jovi. I really felt bad that my belly was rumbling quite loudly. About incorporating the word “Bubba” into every verse (no one heard that, it was personal entertainment), deliberately saying “amen” after everyone to be the last one to say it. I didn’t feel so bad about singing like David Bowie and Scott Stap (Creed), well, until people laughed at me. Then i felt bad. As i left i shook the hand of the man who gave the sermon and i swear he knew it was all me. (which it wasn’t)

My best excuse is that i was very, very hungry. The truth is that church sermons are taken very seriously. When i’m in the middle of this seriousness i get slightly hysterical and it’s difficult to stop. 

My main problem with the two services i’ve recently attended is God. I have no problem with people believing in God. As long as your nice and sane and easy to live near then believe what you want. You can actually tell me, i wont get offended, i’ll more likely be interested as you could teach me something about things i don’t have.

What was i saying? Oh yes, God in the church.

Im not a regular church goer as you’ve guessed. I went to church because there were services there regarding people who are/were important to me or my family. During the funeral of one of the nicest men you’ll never meet, i listened to the main catholic talker guy (priest?) say next to nothing about the deceased’s life, but how he wanted him to go to heaven. He even said “though we are not worthy of your grace, let our prayers guide him to heaven”. Something along those lines. 

During the christening there was similar talk. A lovely little girl, who was chewing her foot in her mothers arms, was getting told in front of her family and friends that “she was not worthy of God but heres some special water anyway. Don’t sin.” Again, not exactly the words but that’s the message. (she looked hilariously cute when he wiped the water off her head. One little spike of hair in the middle of her head :)

I went to two events to celebrate people and the churches talker-guy said nothing about them.

It seems that no one is going to heaven. Especially if your christian. But they want you to which i suppose is a lovely sentiment.

I think people are just scared of dying so they go through this rigmarole of rituals to make it easier on their minds. I can accept that. Me, i think that death is like being knocked out, but forever. Im also very happy with that thought, mainly because it’s funny to me.

After the christening i watched Hawkings Universe. A smashing documentary. My only problem with it was that it left me wanting to read a heck load of books that i cant afford.

Seeing as im having trouble sleeping...

I think i'll tell you about my day.


I woke up easier than i'd expected following my exhausting night. I've been having trouble sleeping for a couple of days, now. I think about it too much which i suppose is glorifying it and making it worse. Im not upset about it right now, so no matter.


I snuck behind my niece down the stairs and waited until she was on the last step to scare her. That earned me a cwtch but hindered me a bacon butty. (Which one's better? That's a good debate.....cwtch) I spent much of my morning chatting with my niece, working in occasional math questions which she tires of. If she makes progress she teaches me how to dance which is her forte.


I danced my way to making my bacon butty and i was ready for todays task.


Get over my friends house and get our podcast recorded. 


I got there with my guitar and laptop, all ready to do some sketches and chatting. So we started with chatting, which went on for a little longer than it should have but it was nice, as usual. Meanwhile one of us (not me) were writing up some scripts of ideas we developed today. We also found an extra script that was nearly forgotten and found a way to adapt it for an audio only format instead of video, which was handy.


We jumped into the recording process which always flies by. I enjoy pretending and we all did lots of it today. I got to be a news reporter, a singer for a weird rock band, a sixth form music student, a clueless rioter and also myself in hugely exaggerated situations.


Voice acting was over and the four of us rushed to the chinese takeaway for some nosh. We all eat at the kitchen table which was a lovely experience. Four friends behaving like family, in that we all eat and poked fun at each-other.
Then the podcast was to be edited together which proved to be the biggest slog of the day. Making the podcast's conceit of flicking through an analogue radio proved to be quite difficult. I've never seen garageband look so busy and intimidating. Filled with scattered bits of audio comedy that had to be moved ever so carefully so as not to lose anything.


The audio is basically arranged now and it'll be released tomorrow for whoever want's to listen to it. I'll probably plug it again but for good measure;


Download the ACRE podcasts for free on itunes and have yourself a giggle.


Im going to try and sleep now. Wish me luck.

Conversation with Dad

I said i’d post conversations that i had with my family, here was the most interesting to me.

I often talk to my dad, mostly about books, tv shows or films. I get my appreciation for art from him and we enjoy sharing opinions. During mylovely week in Porthcawl with the family, we’d pretty much finished talking about what we’d seen or read so it got quiet when we had time alone.

I don’t know why I did it but im glad i did but i asked him about his family. My dad doesn’t often talk about his family. Rough childhood, i think. That, and it never comes up. So when i asked i was surprised when he happily answered.

Your own life gets extraordinary when you know where you came from.

I asked him about his aunties first because i know he loved them. They never married, they worked around britain and ended up back home in Pontypridd where my father grew up. When i asked why they never married he explained that when they worked in a hospital in London it put them off marriage. He didn’t explain further than that and apparently, neither did they.

The reason his mother didn’t join her sisters is because when she was young she was the typical sickie kid. Sickie kid back then, apparently, meant you had TB. She nearly died as a child because of it but voodoo majick healed her. 

You’ll understand why i say voodoo. 

Apparently her doctors last resort for her was to tie a freshly killed sheep’s pair of lungs to her feet. She did that and she lived. VOODOO! 

So she stayed home and failed to get put off the idea of getting married.

I swayed the conversation to his father, then. My pre-existing knowledge of him was only that he was not a nice man. He stopped my father from learning and forced him to work which resulted in my father doing his studying in pubs. He is the reason my father is the functioning alcoholic he is today.

It turned out that my grandfather (who i never met) was quite well liked when he was a young man working in the pits. He had everything going for him. He was even offered a position in the welsh football squad which he took up. However, the week before he left he was working with his minor buddies when a large rock crumbled off a wall and landed on his leg. He was hospitalised and bed-ridden for a long time. This made him bitter, as it would, and he stayed around Pontypridd.

It shocked me that my father is a creation of consequences (as are we all, really). If my nan wasn’t a sickie kid, she would have worked with her sisters and quite probably wouldn’t have married. If my grandfather didn’t suffer a terrible injury he would’ve played football for Wales and may well not have met his wife. He might’ve though, Wales has never had a successful football team.

Family history from my Nan’s time fascinates me. They are such interesting consequences.

Who are these people?

Rioting? Really?


Three or so days ago i read an article in a newspaper about a man who got shot by an armed police officer. This article was particularly unusual because i didn't quite understand the angle of the piece. It seemed very grey and i was unable to see quite who was right or wrong.

Apparently, a man who had suggestive connections to a Jamaican gang in London was getting in a taxi. He got followed by the police because it was known to them that he was highly regarded in the gang. Then nothing was reported. Then i read that there was a bullet in the radio of an armed police officer (the radio saved his life too, apparently). The armed police officer then retaliated and returned fire which resulted in the death of this man. A man whose wife and five children denied knowledge of him being any part of a Jamaican gang.

I don't know the full details of the whole shooting because I read the article in the Sun and the paragraph above is the major details of what the tabloid reported. This is a problem in itself, really because i still don't know how to respond.

Yesterday I read about rioting in London so I naturally looked up the cause of it. I checked it out on the BBC news website which gives a timeline of the cause and the riot. It turns out that the rioting is retaliating against police brutality as a man had been shot by an armed police officer.
On the timeline it's reported that the police (or the IPCC) had personally offered support to the family of Mark Duggan. At the same time 300 people had gathered around Tottenham police station to demand justice for the family. I wonder if the 300 people had asked for the families permission to do this? 


Three hours later, the shit hit's the fan and things get burned, shops get looted and people get hurt. 


I support most strikes. I mean, i support people who want to strike. Im too apathetic to offer any power to the people. I try to consider issues before outwardly fighting them. Call me what you want, I do sit on the fence most of the time and that always buggs people. (Don't quite know where im going with that)

If people want to strike and voice an opinion, go ahead. Im all for it. If i wasn't too self indulgent, i'd probably join you. I just hope that whatever Im joining only VOICES (or writes) the opinion. Gather and speak. That way you'll only, at most, hinder people who are busy and want to get from A to B with a big crowd in the way.

Obviously not everyone is the same as me. The world would be boring if it was, my mother says. The cheek, eh? 


No, there are some who resort to unnecessary violence and thuggish behavior. London has it's very own riot now and people are either terrified or concerned. Or looting, apparently. I wonder if these looters actually think their contributing to the fight against police brutality. I'd say that those actions are asking for it, really, although i wouldn't like to see it. At all.

What it seems to me is that there are many people who act without thinking. There are a few people, im sure, who are doing these mindless acts to fight against police brutality. These people who don't understand that they're making it far, far worse are doing it for an arguably good cause. Their just doing it wrong.

The biggest problem is the majority of the rioters who ARE thinking. Thinking about themselves, anyway. They're just bored and causing trouble is the only cure they can think of. "I know, let's do some looting in the name of that guy". I've watched a lot of footage and i wonder if it'd be as bad on a school night and it wasn't the summer holidays. The rioters and looters seem young.

I ask these rioters what's going to happen to the busy people going from A to B? Before they were just a little obstructed. Now their lives are in danger!

I also ask; do you think the family of Mark Duggan want all this violence attributed to them?