I've gotta write something tonight. See, i've set a goal to write something twice a week and set the deadlines at 14th and 28th of each month. I really don't feel like writing right now because i am intoxicated by them substances we have to feel nice and loose and relaxed and yum and yay.
but whatever im going to write something. Let's make a game of it. You can read what i write and at the end you can guess what intoxicating substance i've indulged my wits to suffer defeat. (that last sentence i'd have never written sober.)
Okay.
It was that time of the day and my mouth tasted foul. I used language of the same state describe the experience. "Fuck me, my fucking mouth is like a fucking horrible fuck.".
However, I had to get up and shake my stick at the day. I stretched and scratched and headed for the bathroom for a good clean. "Hello" said the lizard hanging over my shower curtain reel.
"Whaddup Mike?" Greeted I like the way do in them adverts.
"Dude, why did i get up here? Im shit scared of all these curtain rings."
"I'll get you down, come here."
"Cheers bro" Thanked Mike the lizard when suddenly he suffered the most terrifying fright a lizard could grasp. I had just realised that Mike, this lizard that i was holding was a complete stranger. I have never met Mike. Or even established to reason that it was perfectly ok to have a talking lizard in your bathroom who talked to you like you were best buds the night before. In a state of shock i flung mike out the window. The anguish i felt to harm such a beautiful, friendly creature then took over me and i began to cry, "NO!". But Mike was always such an incredible superhero of a lizard. Thriving under pressure, he whipped his tongue towards me, wrapping it gently yet firmly around the back of my neck. He then pulled himself towards me, did a backflip and then a 180 turn and landed perfectly on my left shoulder. He looked into my eyes and waited for me to collect myself at the beautiful awesomness that was Mike."How did you do that?" I hungrily asked.
"I am the the apprentice of the master spy at LSS" he offered.
"Who's that? What's that?" I shot.
"The LSS is like the FBI for lizards. They teach us to answer questions in reverse order. And the master? The master is none other than Gex. Enter the gecko" Mike explained. And with that I felt a suave sensation lightly brush against my left leg. The Gex had walked into the bathroom via my leg space and tail bounced onto shower curtain reel. He then said a movie-parody style quite and shot me between the eyes.
Black.
Infrared laser detected. Switch on.
"What? Am i inside a television? These new flat screens are a tight fit, my ribs are cracking!" I asked through a mangled mouth.
"You soon will be sir because you've been recruited to star in our new TV show "Square eyes". A reality TV show about people who watch too much TV and then get put inside a tv to see what it's like to live like electricity." a host kindly explained.
"But i hardly ever watch TEEVEE I read bookx and take long walks and sleep a lot." i argued.
"AHHH but that's where we've got you. We're actually a reality show about people who drastically lie about how much. Welcome to MTV's "We know you love us you whores."
"NOOOOO!"
My war cry was intimidating. The television case crumbled in fear. The host was now the least. I then struck my fury towards the Whole of TV. I masculinly scouted the worlds television broadcasting pylon and destroyed it with my fists. I destroyed it further with my legs and then humiliated it with my mouth. "Fuck you television. You're stupid.". That taught that.
But then all the fans of television wanted to kill me. And they did.
And then i woke up and YOU were all a dream.
OOOOOOOHHHHH
The end.
So what have i taken?
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