So Basically:

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Im a mild-mannered, slightly-silly people person who doesn't understand what a people person is.

Saturday, 15 September 2012

The Black man's pinch


IT had begun to end in the middle, did the story behind the black man's pinch. That is, the tragic story of the end of a bright relationship between a lovely couple in the middle of their lives; is what created it.

Bryn Careg was the epitome of happiness with his wife Heulwen. And of course he was. Bryn had done everything his Dad had told him, down to his last breath on the bed that he died in; which was to clean the bed that he died in, after he died.

Bryn had ticked most of the boxes on his fathers "Have a happy life" list. Get a job, find a nice girl, live together, have children, hang on for as long as you can. Three out of five he had, for he got a job down the mines, using his dads connections. He finally asked out his sweetheart; Heulwen after five pints of courage and they'd moved into his family house after his dad died. This was payment for cleaning a shitty bed.

Yes, life was simple and sensible. Get up, work, come home and have a cwtch, bath, eat and sleep. Simple and sensible indeed. For Bryn.

Now Heulwen. That's another story. One that begins not long after she moved in with Bryn, her betrothed.

Her excitement and gusto that came with living with Bryn was unequivocally high. Very high it was. Especially when she found out that she was expecting. You know, a baby! She told Bryn as soon as she was sure and they both danced in their happiness. 

But that night, when they were peacefully asleep, Heulwen felt a crippling pain in her wrist and her hand went numb it did. "Bryn wharrayew doin?" she was shouting but she soon realised that Bryn wasn't in his right mind. She couldn't shake him away, his grip was too tight. She pinched his earlobe with her free hand which woke him up. "Wharrayew doin mun!" He politely asked, but she didn't answer so Bryn turned over and slept.

This happened every night for three weeks. She tried to talk to him but he wouldn't really take notice. Hormones from the pregnancy she had. Nothing worth talking about. Heulwen didn't know what to do so she did the honest thing and left him.

Oh it was sad. She told him to his face because she knew that Bryn couldn't read very well. And he didn't grab her like he would in his sleep, no. He just cried. She didn't want to see it so she decided to leave for good.

Bryn, then turned into something not short of a bloody lunatic. He pinched his own earlobe so hard that it changed colour. Then he went at other parts of his body making him look like he had a terrible illness. Which he did. He left his pickle alone though. No man is that mad. I hope.

His fathers pride came through, though and he didn't want the world to see him all down in the dumps so he went to work. Retreating in the darkness where no one could see him without a candle. He didn't do much work though. He realised that it was no good pinching himself. So he decided to pinch all the other dick heads he worked with. Will, who fancied Heulwen something awful, Jac; Heulwens brother and Iesu who was a preachy git.

It was dark and no one knew who was up to this irritating pain-giving tomfoolery, but sure enough Bryn had a pinch mark too so he got away with it. 

He then took his frustrations out on anybody. Stalking loners in the evening, leaving them with black thumbs and marks on their skin. All they saw was a man with a black face. The face of an unwashed miner.

Bryn died never knowing his son and never really knowing anyone else.He stuck to himself and his habbit of pinching things and died alone. His soul was chaos and his spirit still lurks today giving the people of the world the pinch of the black faced man. His ghost will manipulate your hand to stay in a doorframe while it's closing. It will make you freeze while a heavy thing falls on your hand. Or sometimes you will just wake up with a mark on your body. Either way it's him!

He got me not too long ago. I was bowling and as i picked up a ball he rolled another towards my hand and pinched my fuck you finger. Well fuck you Bryn Carreg!

And there you have the sad story of the black man's pinch. Don't go having nightmares now.